six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
