THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Text me some of your sweat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
