Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
