so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
