Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
