Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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