I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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