So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's like iHOP with fire
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
