So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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