Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
