i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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