Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
