Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
