I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
