I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
