I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
