Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
