When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
