You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry about my life...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
