You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
