i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
