you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
