Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
