I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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