why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
