He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i've created a new STD.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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