You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What a dumb baby whore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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