there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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