I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
