I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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