I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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