my mouth tastes like poor choices
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
