I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
