Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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