someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
