Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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