I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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