im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
