I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
