when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
