proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to make out with him forever
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
