stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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