this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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