I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
