he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
