Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
