do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
