hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
