I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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