I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
