Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
