Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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