woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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