Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
