i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
